I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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