Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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