is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just high enough for therapy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
