Taylor Swift is so right about you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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