Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
