i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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