Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
