can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
