It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
