So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We smell like vodka and hangover
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
