u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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