i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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