My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
