Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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