Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
