Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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