Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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