One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
