Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
