i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
