im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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