I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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