Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
