so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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