It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
