No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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