There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have fence marks all over my body
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
