Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
