Someone shit on the floor
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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