dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
