Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
