she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
