I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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