So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
