I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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