dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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