Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
