Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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