i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
