Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
