she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
