hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
