Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
