on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
