a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
