You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize