where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
