someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
