it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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