You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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