i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize