A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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