he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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