im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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