dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
