My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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