after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
