Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
