But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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