I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A+ Viking dick
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
