see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
