Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
