In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
