I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
