I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Randomize
