I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
