Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
