sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize