I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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