im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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