He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
