Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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