i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
