you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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