Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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