We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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