I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
