a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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