my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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