god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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