just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
