in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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