I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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