She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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