theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
