Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
kristin has been a bad kristin
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
