I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
