Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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