I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
