You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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