it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
