I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
