I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
