Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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